please understand

that what you've asked me to do, would be the closest thing i can think of, to emotional suicide.
despite the fact that i have to fight against this part of me that desires that suicidal lifestyle,
i can't. and won't. not for your sake, but for the sake of myself
for the sake of everything good left, inside of me
although i don't know what i'm going to do now,
but i most definitely know     what i'm not going to do.