Friday, 30 December 2011

just when i thought

just when i thought i'd found that sought-out, perfect balance
the odds went against us
one young, beautiful saleswoman
turned last night into a living hell
deception and denial of  his past, broke the most beautiful woman in my lifes' trust, and heart before my eyes.
in an attempt to protect her heart, the hurt was seamlessly covered with anger
anger is always so much easier to handle than a broken woman


i didn't believe them when they told me there was no saving you.
and i still don't

the calm before the storm

i used to be a foolish little girl

Thursday, 29 December 2011

this city

i am in love with this city.
for the past few days, i've found myself becoming very aware of the investments coming into affect in Saskatoon recently, by entrepreneurs from all over the world and country.
something as simple as new churches, restaurants, coffee shops and clothing stores opening here have caught my attention.
to hear what those people have to say about this (perhaps unfamiliar[to them]) city, gives me this overwhelming sense of pride, to have been born and raised here.
to hear, that there are other people who see this city, province and country as a beautiful place to invest their time, money and dreams into; warms my heart to no end.
maybe it has such a "wow" affect on me because i've always known that this city has the potential, but have been disappointed time and time again, when no one bothered to give it a chance.
or maybe it's because i've always had to put up with it being criticized by people from the big booming cities that boast their populations and quantity of selection, for impersonal forms of entertainment
it thrills me, to whole-heartedly invest what money i have, into places just getting started in this city.
everyone i meet, who i know would share my love for these places, can't get me to shut up about them
mostly, because that's how in fact i discovered these delightful places (that & reading the local newspapers, which i find myself reading more and more these days, highlighting reviews of the places,) and i make a valiant effort to build relationships with owners or employees of these new business'
i feel like i've gotten my point across.
i'm thrilled for what's here and what's to come, for my personable city, i call home.
there is no other place i'd rather live, for i am in love with this city of Saskatoon.
inside the land of living skies, opportunity & ambitious dreams

break the scale much?

k. can we get one thing clear here?
you are like, ridiculously sexy. 
like..almost overwhelmingly sexy.
no. definitely overwhelmingly sexy.
say it with me
yes you. 
if it wasn't creepy, i'd put a picture of you right..

last night, i dreamt

i finally took you out, for your birthday. 
i never stopped smiling
my heart swelled so much, i could barely speak
every inch of me, will always long for something that will last longer than just one night.


is something i don't have, for sleepless nights right now. 

Wednesday, 28 December 2011

dear nineteen year old self

you have life so easy.
you don't have to dress yourself up fancy, or pretend at all. 
you  enjoy yourself in your lusted-after pubs/lounges, listening to every open-mic performance your heart desires, in the city full of people your heart loves so dearly,
i'm in a love-hate relationship with your right now
your eighteen year old self 

Sunday, 25 December 2011

wait for me

okay james, let's see if we can get some sleep tonight.

i just need to get my grip

all of this is just making me sick to my stomach
i know i've hurt you, from the very beginning
i know all too well; i'll never forget
i just needed to put an end to continuing to
that & not responding was my first logical step
i don't know how else to go about this,
at all


despite wallpaper having a reputation in history of being a slow, silent killer
(rest in piece, Napoleon)
i want it.
in my room.
and all over my house..
this one's best of all.
either that or textural walls..

nothing was better

than giving you two that gift from me.
seeing your reaction. your smiles and tears of joy. your words of utter gratitude.
i wish there was some way to conceal the overall cost of the present
because that's not what it was about, for me, at all
it wasn't the fact that, for someone my age, a present like that is a big deal in giving
the point, is that you two are in my life. blessing me endlessly. when you know i don't deserve it.
it comes so naturally for you two. you inspire me. you're everything i want to become, and more.
i hope i can be half the wife & mother you are.
i hope i find a man who is half the husband & father you are.
i wish you were reading this, so you fully understand and grasp how amazing you both are.
but i think my long-winded card might have given you bit of an idea.

Claire Pettibone

your new heirloom collection seriously makes me consider buying endless amounts of your lace unmentionables.. 
Claire Pettibone Heirloom Collection
Claire Pettibone Heirloom Collection
Claire Pettibone Heirloom Collection

new place to call home

tonight, my parents & i searched all of the new available places to live in Saskatoon
we talked numbers, financing, responsibility, maturity, all agreeing on what i should have in a place
all i could think of, was a new place to place my shoes. a new place to call my home
2012 is gonna be the year i find a new home
i wish it would look something like this though

my list

i'm going to :
keep my head up
keep my heart strong
keep my mind set
keep my hair long
keep my eyes searching
keep my memories close
remember who i want to be

please understand

that what you've asked me to do, would be the closest thing i can think of, to emotional suicide.
despite the fact that i have to fight against this part of me that desires that suicidal lifestyle,
i can't. and won't. not for your sake, but for the sake of myself
for the sake of everything good left, inside of me
although i don't know what i'm going to do now,
6121418484_a4a4b646e4_z_largebut i most definitely know     what i'm not going to do.

some may say

the most difficult thing, is removing yourself from a situation in order to really understand it.
funny thing is; that's looking like my best option. 
maybe i should just flip a coin, let destiny/fate decide.
heads, someday we're, at best, friends again.
tails, i walk out of your life once and for all. 
i always hope for heads,
i don't need to actually flip the coin to know that.
but it's not about me this time. it's about you.
& what's best for you. 


i'm a monster
what poisons me, is what poisons you

Saturday, 24 December 2011

animal needs

change me into this ... person, worthy of your disgust. 
it had nothing to do with him.
everything to do with me; the me i stifle

Friday, 23 December 2011

Thursday, 22 December 2011

i am

dangerously close to replacing all my jeans with tights.
multi-colored tights.
intervention anyone?

one day

i want to live somewhere,
somewhere i survive off what i grow in my garden
somewhere the simple pleasure of eating foods i love, doesn't physically ail me
somewhere i only exercise what is good, for my body, mind and soul
somewhere a painted face and a feather decorated neck is typical
somewhere my personality is not suppressed or mainstreamed
somewhere my hair is free to grow as long as it desires, untrimmed
somewhere my creativity flows, my dreams flourish and come true
somewhere i should feel lonely, on my own; but don't 
somewhere my perfume, is that of the smoke from burning ambers
somewhere i can dream of no where else i'd rather be, 
somewhere the night song of the wolves, is my lullaby 
somewhere simplicity is normality, 
somewhere i never have to wear pants, 
somewhere restless nights, are a foreign concept,
somewhere my heart only flutters at the beauty of life, not stress
somewhere my fingers never get tired of playing my guitar,
somewhere my bones are never chilled to their core, 
somewhere i smile at the memories of us,
somewhere my last thought every night, is the image of your face 

Wednesday, 21 December 2011

i've lost my mind

long ago. 
now, it's always with you

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

is the shortest day of the year
but it sure feels like the longest day of my existence. 
how is it possible, for every inch of my being to ache?
time to be done with this tomfoolery
tomorrow morning i have a date with the hospital

Tuesday, 20 December 2011

did i say, you're just a boy

i loved you only once
and i'm already falling for your notions.
i don't know why, i don't know why 
one kiss from you,  and i'm drunk up on your potion

the great fascination

the great mystery of you as a whole
gets me, every time.
you're that one magnet
that will never lose it's pull on me