Monday, 31 December 2012

I want you to moan… I want you to gasp in my ear, pretending like you’re trying to hide the sound, like you’re trying to smother it, but I still hear it. I want your fingernails to dig into my skin and your lips to move faster and harder and deeper against mine. I want your eyes to roll back in your head and your body to push into mine, until we’re sticking to each other’s skin. I want to feel the heat radiating from your skin, I want to feel your muscles shake against my flesh. I want you to beg and I want you to throw your head back, shuddering for breath. I want your neck to be exposed for me to bite and your chest to be bare so it can be skin on skin, flesh on flesh. I want my legs wrapped around you, I want us to grind on each other so hard it makes your muscles clench and your jaw drop and your face tense in ecstasy.

Friday, 28 December 2012

How drunk/high do I want to get you,
Until you own up to the truth?
Very, very. 

Wednesday, 26 December 2012

Tuesday, 25 December 2012

most nights

tonight, much like most nights
you will quiet the war in my mind

These are a few of my favorite things

December 31, January 18th, February 7th, May 24th, July 5th, July 11th, August 29th

Monday, 24 December 2012

Sunday, 23 December 2012

Wednesday, 19 December 2012

Thank you

I know you will probably never see this.
But thank you. For being so genuine..
Welcoming, friendly, helpful and patient.
I have the privilege of getting to know
And working along side
With you great people, 
Filled with good hearts.

Thank you,
To all five of you guys. 
For helping me get going,
And making me laugh as I go.
your head,
my heart.

let's not, and say we did.

Tomorrow will be the day I put an end to this bullshit.
I'm sick of your goddamn muted guilty eyes walking around,
And your lack of verbally communicating anything to me.
I'm not sure if you're wanting some sort of sympathy or something?
Or if you're only wanting to add to the drama of the whole situation?
Shall we proceed to not act our age, from now on?
Starting tomorrow.


I miss it a little.
But I don't miss it a lot.
I can't stop thinking about you.
I've never been so worried 
about someone before in my life
I'm sorry if I've overstepped my boundaries
by sending her to you
I didn't know what else to do
If you see this
Know that I did it because I love you
Because you saved my life
Because she saved my life

Tuesday, 18 December 2012

Sunday, 16 December 2012

you were the hardest

You were the one I held off, telling
You are the only one who sees
through my brave smile and level chin

But you're the only one who will see me through everything. 

You are the only one who is familiar with my crash course, mind.

Thank you. 

Just the way, now

In my dreams you speak to me.
I was the one worth leaving

Saturday, 15 December 2012


How could you possibly stay in one place, perfectly content
for the rest of your life, after seeing this video?

ps. I think you might like this.
"I promise you I will try harder to be better. 
I have battled with things inside me for longer than you know; 
I do not know what they are or why they are there,
 I only know that they feel manageable defeatable, 
when I am around you."

Thursday, 13 December 2012

a mad dash with Mr. Tim Hortons

Last night, I dreamt we almost missed our plane together, again. 
These cold winter nights are doing a number on me.
Bit by bit.

Tuesday, 11 December 2012

Your name is knife blades

I really don't mind hearing your name come up on occasion.
Will I be the first to bring you up in conversation at work?
Absolutely not.
Did I want to hear about you through her?
Again, absolutely not.
Could I have met her, gotten along nicely with her, without hearing your name in that specific context?
I sure could have.
Am I angry? Yes.
Training group is challenging enough without this additional mental/emotional shit.
I hate that I find myself in this shitty awkward position.
I fucking need to leave asap
This city is too small for you and I, right now. 

all I ever wanted


Who plays with your hair?
Who helps it grow long, now?

Friday, 7 December 2012

beautiful name

It has been almost two years
Since I have prayed a genuine prayer
I will send one out, for your mother
The kind woman with a beautiful name

Wednesday, 5 December 2012

Cold girl fever

"I'm terrified of losing you
If I go to the sea, I'll bring you down, down with me
If I go to the rain, you'll never see me again

I promised to leave if you ever went cold
Then leave when I'm sleeping, you told me
Put your spine in your back and your arms in your coat
Don't hold on to me when there's nothing to hold"

Don't be stupid.

This is directed at You. 
I want you to do me a favor.
Once your life has settled down, and you are able to take a few minutes to breathe easy..
I want you to listen to this entire video,
Numerous times if necessary.
I want you to remember who you are.
Where and what you want to do in [perhaps] your short life.
And forget the rest of the labels and expectations society tries to place on you
If you do that, for me.
For you.
I promise to always cheer you on, from the sidelines.
And maybe even..
Along side of you. 

Monday, 3 December 2012

you're so quiet, while my mind screams all day

You say you are the same man.
But you've changed.
You're not the man who said
Let's be human together
Or the man that made the
Resolution for 2012
To become fiercely
With me. 
For me.
And now look at where we find ourselves...
Don't mistake this for bitterness.
But sending strong vibes my way,
That I have begun to turn into
Simply an obligation
Has my pride on the defense,
And me questioning the authenticity 
Of our time together
And everything that passed between us.

Saturday, 1 December 2012

Rolling tide

I think it's best I take some time away from this city,
some long time.

Wednesday, 28 November 2012


And some will say it's not even healthy
But body is young and mind is sure
That something is alright with your thinking

our bodies spilled together
the tiny flowing currents
immediate and forever
your leg my leg
your arm my arm
your smile and the warmth
of you
who made me laugh.

Charles Bukowski

last night

Suitcase heart

It's the second September I have known you
And all that time, I felt just fine

I held so many people in my suitcase heart

I didn't know the way 
so it took me 'till today to get here
But I've begun to trust the view here.

Lost in the lakes and shapes that your body make




(by Lena P)

queued ♡

I trace my fingertips along your trails
Your body was the map I was lost in

Tuesday, 27 November 2012

construedpast participle, past tense of con·strue (Verb)

  1. Interpret (a word or action) in a particular way.
  2. Analyze the syntax of (a text, sentence, or word).

We love the great nature.
We stay home.
We like rollercoasters.
What other choice is there, really
In these November skies
I see you everywhere

Sunday, 18 November 2012

Friday, 16 November 2012

Thursday, 15 November 2012