(click)

i truly wish i knew the answers; 

but my future is just so very uncertain

God i am;

 i'm on a blood buzz

if it were possible

i would have gone back to you

to help ease that cold, hopeless expression off your face,

taken you for food and paid your way 

to wherever it was you are going

that picture

of you when you were little

yes you

is so cute i literally cried

spontaneous

jaded

being so

con·ven·ient/kənˈvēnyənt/

Adjective:

Fitting in well with a person's needs, activities, and plans, involving little trouble or effort.

is the reason you became so 

jad·ed/ˈjādid/

Adjective:

Tired of, bored of, typically after having had too much

of me 

darling

i'm simply can't be all you need me to be,

home

word of the day

prag·mat·ic/pragˈmatik/

Adjective:

Dealing with things sensibly and realistically in a way that is based on practical rather than theoretical considerations. yes, i realize i am being pragmatic. yes, it is abnormal for a woman    yes, being pragmatic is comfortable  for me  and yes, it keeps my shit in perspective  zd

scent

tonight the scent of your place in those little black shorts hit me full force like a brick wall.
it's amazing how powerful even one of our natural senses, can truly be

i'm good, i'm gone

runaway

stir up the river
let the current take me
where it may

patience is a virtue

absence makes the heart grow fonder.

i'm glad patience is one of my strongest virtues

;)

future

simply
eager

like a shot gun, i can't be out done

                                             

    i'm a prostitute.

                                &

                                                                      you gon' get some

(it's a secret)

                                                                                                  i sort of moved 

(here)

sorrow found me when i was young

my father came into my room tonight,

quietly asked me about you,

about my feelings for you

and admitted his opinion of you surprised even him

which makes two of us

now once again i find myself staring off at nothing in particular
my disjointed, disconcerted thoughts once again settling on you

about today

how close am i

to losing you
to losing me

today's one and only constant

emotional hangover

so here we are

i'm sorry

i'm sorry for making you cry mother,

you know i never wanted to make you cry

walking contradiction

i'm a walking contradiction too,

my butter sauce at tonights birthday supper tasted like you did, last night

too many, too little

too many ideas

too little skin

words are words are words

four that i hate saying.

i

don't

trust

you

lately i just can't shake feeling

unattractive

repeat

the best i know how to explain you

is a song

a song that you hear for the first time

and you fall madly in love.

with the idea of it, and with the song itself, with every aspect of it

 as you grow familiar to it
to the role it plays, the influence it has, in your life

-
you

you're that song that's been around longer than i've expected it to

stuck on repeat

that i just can't get out of my head

even if i wanted you to

leave your home, change your name

it's ironic, that this song brings me to tears each and every time it's played

it's quite tiring, to be frank.

future tattoo

"not all those who wander are lost"

but not just yet

when the time is right, 

in the corners of my mind

my aspirations are whispered 

and refuse to be silent

summer

i find myself lusting after you on a daily basis

let's get acquainted soon

we're all just young folks in old bodies

if i told you things i did before 
told you how i used to be 
if you knew my story word for word 
would you go along with someone like me 

my old friend,

please do not pursue me any further
i care about you deeply
you're like a brother to me
but i do not share your affections

i caught myself

reminiscing today,

back to June 2011

back to the fondest memory of high school i have

the rarity of fond memories from high school is something 

only i will truly appreciate 

and for once,

 this high school memory wasn't ridiculously cliché..

- - -

i remember the memories ..

of that long drive north

of rough roads, day dreams and good music

of meeting little James and the stray that protected him

of breathing in the stagnant air of that church on the cliff

of trembling with delight, signing the book on the lectern

of walking among the poorly dug graves of the lost loved ones 

of scoping out the rocky terrain for the best place to lay my head for the night

of the waterfall being my lullaby each night

of  sore arms every morning

of tentatively bathing in the current of the waterfall

of tanlines and sunkissed freckles..everywhere

of the best damn fresh fish ever to be had

of solitude our neighboring island provided

of mist from the largest waterfall in Saskatchewan on my flushed cheeks

of cooking bannock in the middle of the night

of silent, understated tears warmed on my cheeks by the fire

of undeniable appreciation for individuals, easily overlooked during many years we spent together.
- - -
these are the moments we live for
these are the moments i live for

__

i got lots of friends,

yes, but then again

nobody knows me at all

but i don't give a damn

i'm happy as a clown

i can't

I
                  can't
                                         get
                                                                  my
                                                                                         head
                                                                                                                 out
                                                                                                                                         of
                                                                                                                                                                the

clouds

                                                                                                                                                                             

expectations

exceeded,

i was drunk on the charleston butterfly

simply splendid music to cook to 

life is too short to :

Not have nights of recklessness

Not see the whole world

Not see how your old friends are doing, months, years later

Not give yourself enough credit where it’s due
Not get lost in a fictional book

Not love your flaws

Not wish at every 11:11
Not love someone in all their forms

Not hug your mother as often as you can

Not aspire to be inspired everywhere

Not cry at sappy Hollywood romance

Not listen to music constantly
Not dance with your father
Not love your roots
Not dress up and go out with your girlfriend

Not dream bigger than everyone tells you to

Not embrace your independence
Not give your heart away
Not see your favorite band play
Not give your time to someone who needs it
Not find safety in all life's chaos

Not believe in something beyond yourself
Not embrace happiness as it comes

Have philophobia
Disguise yourself, artificially
Worry about calories
Fund wars
Sweat the small stuff
Forget those in your past who shaped who you are today
Do wrong to others
Stop kissing the one you love

Let age determine your capability

Tolerate ignorance

Allow drama to take away from the simplicity of life

Let society shape you into mainstream material
Over think .

i forgot to thank you

                                                                                                                                                     for the short stories..

your picture of me

 is my laptop back drop 

marie de france

"be sure that you speak with unfeigned lips."

tonight, I sleep alone

my heart a fluttering, warm mess
my life once again back in its proper perspective

i'm an unrealistic

you

are 

my biggest gamble,

the biggest risk,

of the highest stakes

-

'tis the season

to wear your heart on your sleeve

the itch

to see somewhere new

i can't get this perma-grin to go away

again with the assumptions

"i think you have no heart

and i had a mind once to give you mine"

unofficial

maybe we're better this way

gravity, stay the hell away from me.

phased

you tell me to work harder,

more than you tell me 

that you love me.