i got a knife behind my back, just sayin'

sometimes i feel a bit crazy,

& it scares me to say, 

someone

take me to vegas.

yes that's you two
kelly.

taylor.

let's go 

bon.iver.

come talk to me, 

please, just talk to me

this silence

in my head is too loud

much too loud,

where words fail, music speaks

cause life is fleeting,

yeah - but i love you

-

& since i got this hunger, it just hasn't been the same,..

c'est la vie

don't leave yet, 

but if you insist on going,

whoa -

 safe travels

its

either this way, 

 

or whatever other way there is. 

why can't i ever seem to find that other way?

why

is this so hard...

you were better,

you've come to show me my soul

of all the people, I had hoped it’d be you

to come free me & take me away

to show me my home

where i was born

where i belong

you showed me where to go

to my home

so take me

through the roads

that you know

back to my home

no i could not do the things i did before

you were better than whatever came before

take me

as i am

or watch me

as i go.

electric boom

it's just another.
it's just another. 
hospital. hospital. hospital.
in & out you go
who knows? i do.
-
you reached out to me, almost as if it was your last resort. 
was i your last cry for help? 
oh. but we're so far from each other
the many prairie miles separate us from one another.
hearing those words of yours, made my eyes burn - to hear your hopelessness.
don't give up, please don't give up on your life
you have so much to give, 
& need to receive so much.
take my prayers, i'll send them out one by one, as fast as i can
i wish i could give you the love that you've always needed, that you've never had,
i wish i could just hold your frail frame against mine,
& pass the love of this world into you
please hold on,
i feel so helpless, so far away from you

a ways,

you've come a long long way,
but keep on coming. you're not quite there yet
---
if you want to feel alive then learn to love your ground
love your ground

problem is,

you never even knew the in-depth thinking i put into us & our future together.

you never read my “ to-do ” list with you, did you.

i had big dreams, big plans for me & you

she shouldn't

feel used.                                                                                                        
all the unwelcome, but all too familiar past users keep coming to mind
you're different, you've just got to be.
you've shown me in ways that you are
in other ways, that you aren't.
but still, in the back of her mind - she still has her doubts
reminding her that she's way out of her league - & in over her head


she misses the younger days of innocence.

i should never

dream like that again, 
15 hour sleeps.
produce horrible results

it all started

with a CTV hot air balloon..

last night,

something clicked

i need to

get back to this

she doesn't know anything,

but then she acts like she knows everything

actions,

your actions speak louder than your words,
for it seems she wants you more than you want her,
'course she'll never tell you she doesn't believe you


her heart is so troubled

tonight,

she opened up to practically a perfect stranger,

it was the best decision she ever made.

once she was that perfect stranger, 

the circle continues - oh, c'est la vie 

change,

so much is coming soon,
all in stride
all in stride

you & me

you just do what you do

&i'll keep doing what i'm doing

she's got it,

Confidence

this woman, is pure inspiration
her lyrics tear through the walls i've built up
they've made me be honest with myself,
her pain in life has only strengthened her
her confidence radiates with every glance
she makes me want to grow into the woman i'm becoming,
to learn from my past, from my hurts
ever more certain, quicker than i am
one day, this girl will get it too

quite simply, stay true

let your true colors show, be true to yourself
cause girl; one day you will shine                      everywhere you go people will see it
they'll see that something about you
that something different, that IT factor that makes people stop & stare
among the crowd, people will feel it
it'll confuse them, intrigue them; awaken their curiosity


they'll take you for a drive in a strange city,
they'll test your waters, to see if they can trust
then, without warning
out pours their heart's desires, darkest secrets, most ambitious dreams,


at first you will be slightly taken aback,
then to follow; a warmth that spreads into every corner of your being
you'll learn something about yourself,
through the eyes of a stranger, in a strange city, in a unfamiliar situation
in a beautiful warm truck


you will value the experience,
remember it for years to come,
for it's taken you one step closer to knowing you
&it's a beautiful thing

her,

It was always her,
never me
was it

i can't

never have i felt such an anger deep inside me,
 i can't handle seeing your face,
or feeling your gaze on me anymore,


i wish that was the last time i'd ever hear you breathe
but i know it won't be

yeehp.

i've grown up more than a little bit, since february wait & see

hope,

as long as i am breathing, i will hope.

living is not truly living if you do not hope

hope encourages you to look forward

in childlike anticipation for what is to come

optimism is a characteristic my generation seems to have lost in the sands of time

hope is my favorite hobby,

i wish my name was hope

Hope Dawn Kilpatrick

maybe my daughter's name will be hope..

sleep on it,

going to bed upset, or angry - what have you, is never worth it; ever

in the morning you wish you would've just gone back and dealt with it before you'd sunk your head into your pillow

goodnight love,

just run,

i'm a runner,

this i've discovered recently.. tonight to be specific,

its safer to just take care of yourself, get safe, get alone, get away from all the bullshit

right?

run as far as you can, as fast as you can

& for pete's sake,
don't forget to take your heart with you

look ahead, not behind

it's a funny concept; this word : regret 

it can either cripple your hope of your future,

or it can teach you valuable lessons on how to better your future

your "mistakes" in the past have meshed with time, to create unique character that defines you

as much as i'd like to not give credit to an individual at this present time, 

i have to thank my former classmate of 4 years;

rachael mensch for encouraging me to open my eyes & finally embrace this fact of life at a very young age

now i have no regrets, 

i have hope for my future

so much hope, & so much love to give

it makes every part of me tingle with anticipation for what's to come

sigh

maybe you'll take her
maybe you'll leave her
she aches, thinking that you might


either way, regrets? - she has none
you've helped her see to the beautiful woman she has become
& i know she loves you,
oh, she loved you so quickly.
frighteningly quickly

willpower,

where'd ya go old friend?

i seem to have lost you, on that warm September evening

he was no match for me

i wish i was bitter,

i should be bitter,

but i'm not

i simply cannot,

shame on me

be gentle,

no one can be harder on me, than i
punished myself, i have, with this worrying
weeks will tell whether it was worth it all or not,
then i know not what to do with myself,
or him,
this is killing me,
it's my every second thought,
when he should be my every second thought;


oh. but he's my first